Parents need to be parents
In light of the newest foray into girls fighting girls video, which is apparently more prevelant than I thought, I think that some parents need reminders about what it means to be a parent. It constantly amazes my colleagues, my friends who are parents and many of the Woods Road parents that I speak with about how much parenting has changed over the years.
All of my contemporaries always say that if a teacher or a principal called home stating that you were in trouble, it was gospel. If you are in trouble at school you “got it” at home. Then you “got it” again when your father came home. There were no excuses – there were no parents running up to the school to say, “not my child.”
Children do not learn responsibility when parents try to assign blame elsewhere – typically it is the school’s fault. I’m sorry, but it is not our fault. Parents need to teach their children respect and responsibility. Children will not learn responsibility or consequences of actions if parents try to get them out of it. Let them learn that there is a cause and effect of what they do. Let them face the consequences. We did as children, didn’t we?
As important is the lack of respect of some parents towards school employees. This is a national epidemic, not a Woods Road or a Long Island issue. There is a general lack of respect and disregard for educators in general. To some parents, there is an agenda on the part of the school. THERE IS NO AGENDA! It is our responsibility to share what we see your child doing or not doing. It is our responsibility to inform you of difficulties your child is facing socially and emotionally.
The most important thing that I must share with you is that you are not your child’s friend. You are the parent. You establish the rules, not the children. You tell them what they are going to do and not do, not the other way around. And again, this is a national trend in parenting. We know both parents work in most families. Our parents did, too. We know that there are single parents who have to work two jobs to make ends meet. That has happened in previous generations as well. Parents, simply, must be parents. If your child gets mad at you for punishing them or not getting them the toy that they want – so what. Too bad. They have to respect you. They have to know that they can’t do whatever they want. They have to know that you are going to be on the same page with the school if they do something wrong. Once you have that respect then you have them as teenagers and won’t have to see them on every national news network in the county.
When your children are older; 17, 18, 19 – that is when they become your friends. If you have done your job earlier and set the boundaries, the friendship is amazing. As an elementary school student or middle school student, they don’t need your friendship, they need your structure.
In closing, if you were to get involved in a fistfight with another adult, what would happen to you? If you got angry with another driver and “roadrage” set in, what would happen to you? You would be arrested. Consequences are a part of cause and effect. These are the rules of a civilized society. So the question becomes, if children have a fistfight in school or gang up on other children to bully, intimidate or harrass, what makes you think that the rules of society don’t apply here? Cosequences are a part of cause and effect. These are the rules of the school district.
January 18, 2007 at 9:46 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more!! The Acting Superintendent stated that the 3 girls were suspended at least until April, and are scared.
These girls should not be back at school, and they SHOULD BE SCARED! They are an embarrassment to North Babylon HS, the community, and beyond. What is the world thinking about Long Island youth and their parents?
Words that should be studied in school and especially at home: Empathy, Accountability, Responsibility, and Morality. Educators have attempted to teach these forgotten words to your children. Parents must step up to the plate, for if you don’t, these vicious creatures will be your daughters. How will you feel then?
January 20, 2007 at 11:04 am
Thank you, Mr Golub, for writing and sending such an inspiring letter! You have hit the nail right on the head! Thank you for being bold enough to say the things that need saying. Raising children with good character is truly an uphill battle against all the sleazy values they see almost everywhere. Parents today have a much tougher job than our parents did. Kids today need parents who are not afraid to be parents. Thank you for expressing that important fact so eloquently in your letter, and thank you, also, for working so hard to umpress upon our children that “character really does count”! The anti-bullying and character building programs you have put in place at Woods Road are essential parts of their daily learning. You are certainly doing your part to help our kids grow up to be kind, caring and responsible human beings. The rest is up to us, their parents!
January 20, 2007 at 11:05 am
Sorry for the typo… impress not umpress:)
January 20, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I wanted to also thank you for sending that letter home. You are 110% RIGHT. What is wrong with some parents today? Don’t they see what type of child they are raising and placing into society? Besides this recent violent incident I have been amazed by some other stories I have heard this year. Children mutalating small animals, kids constantly threatening their peers and kids acting like maniacs on the school bus (just to name a few). I’m sick of hearing things like this and I am especially sick of hearing that it’s usually the same kid(s) involved. I understand that a parent’s first instinct is to defend their child but some kids are out of control and need help. Parents who sit back and do nothing are doing an injustice for their child. I hope one day I can send my child off to school and not worry that she might be a target of some ill-behaved child.
Sincerely,
A worried and concerned parent of Woods Rd.
January 20, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I want to say thanks for the letter. Unfortunately great damage has been done to the reputation of the North Babylon School District and the damage may be irreparable. The district has acted correctly and decisively, but a long term solution needs to be put in place to deal with incorrigible students.
May I propose that the district put to use underutilized building space that the district may have (old jr. High – off Mount Sinai Avenue) and create an alternative school for incorrigible students in grades 7-12. Problem students should not be allowed to disrupt the learning process nor influence the rest of the student body with their malignant behaviors.
The district now needs to act with strength and without fear from naysayers or others. Should it not – the beginning of the end of North Babylon schools will be at hand as the more solid middle class parents lose faith in the area and begin to move elsewhere.
January 20, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Thank you Mr. Golub for saying what so many of us have been thinking for a very long time. The time has long since passed for us to force our children to accept responsibility for their actions. No more making excuses for our children. No more bailing them out. It sets them up for failure. There must be consequences for ill behavior. The district needs to make an example of these girls quickly. There should be no tolerance for the complete disrespect of another human being.
We as parents need to be careful not to assume that the parents of these girls made no effort to discipline them. I’m sure many of us have seen our children do things that have surprised us completely. Maybe some of these girls were well behaved, maybe they weren’t. In my opinion, the issue is clear. We need to do a better job of teaching respect…respect for authority, respect for eachother, respect for ourselves. I as a parent struggle with it every day. It is not easy to teach. It has to be lived. It has to be lived at home first and foremost.
I also think we need to use any means possible to make sure we know what is going on with our children at all times. It is obvious that they are not always going to tell us, or be truthful when asked. Lets stop worrying about being their friend, or invading their privacy. Worry instead about whether or not they will go on to be people of good moral character and productive members of society.
Our children are begging us to parent them and we need to do so.
January 21, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Dear Mr. Golub:
Thank you for the letter sent home to parents/guardians. I am hoping it has hit home with those parents that just allow their children to continue the out of control behavior that hurts other children, the learning environment and our school district. What an embarrassment those girls are to their parents, family and to our district.
I have always been proud to say that I grew up and went through the North Babylon Schools. Almost all of my friends received Regents Diplomas and went on for college degrees. The teachers I have had and those my children have had to date are excellent. When someone new to the district has asked my opinion about sending their children to our schools, I have always stated that the teachers in our schools have been exempiary. I am proud to be a North Babylon graduate and resident. At least up until last week. I hope those girls are punished and have learned a valuable lesson. Also, I hope the other ill behaved children in the schools learn that hurting others is and will not be tolerated in any form. It is my hope that we all can move past this, learn from it, and be better students and parents. I want my children to continue to learn, like going to school, and to be safe in school.
Thank you, Mr. Golub, for being the person you are. You always do the right thing for our children…..even if some parents do not agree with you. We are very lucky and blessed that you are our principal.
Sincerely,
Kim Nistico
January 22, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Hi Mr. Golub:
I also agree with what you have stated in your letters. It’s sad that things like this occurr, especially in our own backyard. Children today have very little respect for others and something needs to be done. I keep hearing this from so many people but, I don’t see anyone really doing all that much about it. Yes, you can take care of your own child and teach them to respect others, be kind and follow the rules but that isn’t enough today. There is so much out there that goes against this between tv, video games, music, other children in their school, etc. We need to find a way to reverse what our children are seeing and hearing. We need to get our message through to all the industries out their that have an influence on our children that we do not like what they are providing to our children. The only way this will work is if it’s done by parents in large numbers. If anyone knows how to do this, please let me know. I’m tired of hearing all the stories and not knowing what to do to fix it.
Also, I applaud the district on their immediate response and action. It definetly sends a message to our children that this was wrong and hopefully, they will think about their actions. I just don’t understand why suspension was given. Don’t get me wrong, I DO believet that the girls should be removed from the rest of the children and if need be, to another location and that they should not be allowed to interact with the other children. I just don’t agree with at home suspension. We all know what suspension is like, whether you’ve had it or not, for most kids it’s a free vacation. I’m sure that most of the children that receive suspension are not too afraid of it since most of them get it again. It may work for a small portion of our society but, most kids get an easy day off from school where they can watch tv, play, etc. Unless suspension has changed from when I was younger, I just don’t know if it works today. Isn’t there something else that can be done to make these children not want to do something that would cause suspension again?
Mr. Golub, I am very proud to have my child at Woods Road School. I think you and the rest of the staff are doing an excellent job of trying to instill good moral values, beliefs and education in our children. Please, keep up the good work. There is not enough of this being done out there.
Sincerely, Gerri
January 23, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Please read my blog under the last blog. Mr Golub could you cut and paste my blog to here? I responded to this issue right away. Thank you. I feel everyone needs to read it.
Extra comment: I feel the children suspended need anger managemnet and sensitivity training.
January 23, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I would like to put together a rally of some sort–a standing of NB residents to put a message out to our youth and their families that we are a community that stands together in peace and harmony. That violence is not what we respresent and will not be tolerated. I have a number of ideas and have propositioned others in the community. Comments?
January 23, 2007 at 1:37 pm
HERE IT IS::::
Donna Says:
January 17th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
CHILDREN AND PARENTS PLEASE READ: I am writing in response to the sad and appalling events that have taken place in our community over the last month. I am extremely saddened by the youth of today who feel they can harm and disrespect another individual. Where are our values? Where does their moral compass lie? As a society, as a community we can not sit idle and watch our children, the future of this planet, walk a path of physical and emotional destruction. WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. We all have a soul. We all have hearts. Let’s use them. Instead of being destructive let’s be PRODUCTIVE. Instead of being harmful, be HELPFUL and RESOURCEFUL. Life can be so beautiful…if we let it. And this is easy to do.
Mr. Golub has been teaching character education in this school for as long as my children have been attending. I applaud him for it. He is addressing an important issue to our children and is thereby helping us to help them become productive, helpful, resourceful and loving. Now as parents and as students, we need to continue this at home. We need to make sure our children respect their family, strangers, friends, all those around them and most importantly respect themselves. That is part of our job as a parent. CHILDREN I TELL YOU THIS: Love yourself. Respect yourself. Respect all those around you. Life is beautiful…if you let it. Words can hurt, but, remember who you are…a wonderful person. And no matter what bad thing anyone says to you…you are still that same wonderful person. Turn the other cheek and walk away. Talk to an adult. Don’t let a bully turn your beautiful world into an ugly one. On a selfish note I end with this… I want my childrens world to be beautiful ALWAYS. I am sure all parents do. But it starts at home. And my childs world isn’t just at home…it is the WHOLE world. And in order for my childrens world to be beautiful ALWAYS…ALL children need to make their worlds beautiful too. IT TAKES A COMMUNITY TO RAISE A CHILD. Let’s learn from the violence that is afflicting our youth in this community. Let’s correct it now and forever. Let’s heal as a community and move forward…hopefully into a more BEAUTIFUL WORLD.
January 23, 2007 at 1:39 pm
terry Says:
January 18th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
In response to Donna’s comments, I am sure I speak for many parents when I say what happened is DISGUSTING! These kids were only 13 and 14 years old, how DARE they beat each other up like that and then have the nerve to VIDEO tape the event? This problem goes deeper that it seems, it has to do with their upbringing. Where were the PARENTS of these kids? How can you not know whats going on with your teenager and their life????? I, for one, am involved in EVERY aspect of my children’s life, maybe alittle too much involved, but I need to know that they are safe and are doing the right thing at all times. I would not tolerate ANYONE hitting my children or bullying them. They are not being brought up that way. I teach them to RESPECT everyone around them. The parents didnt see the kid taking the video camera outside? Ask what were they going to do with it? Who they were going to be hanging out with that day? Whats with these people???? These kids need direction and its apparent they are not getting it at home. What a sad and embarrassing situation this is, but it could have been much worse, someone could have been seriously hurt or even killed because of bullying. Lets all try to keep an extra eye out on our children and even ask them whats going on in school and in their lives. It might make a small difference. Its worth a try.
Anna Says:
January 20th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Thank you, Mr. Golub, for working so hard to help our children develop good character! They certainly need to know how to stand up for what is good and true as they go out into the world today! Woods Road is a wonderful place where children are learning to be kind, caring individuals! Thank you for finding a way to balance character education and the never ending struggle to improve state test scores. You rock!
January 23, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Hi Donna:
I would be interested in hearing some of your ideas. I wonder if some sort of petition to the venues that deliver entertainment to our children would help getting our message across?
Thanks,
Gerri